Varsity wooden spoon dream ruined

It was meant to be the perfect addition to his trophy cabinet, but the Sheffield Varsity 3000m wooden spoon evaded Ben Snowball in a disappointing race for the 22-year-old.

Relying on fitness built through fortnightly 5aside football, he ultimately crumbled to a time not worth mentioning on a public domain.

The six-strong crowd at Sheffield's EIS were treated to quite a dull affair - the only highlight being the fetching blue and purple sock combination Snowball had gambled on.

Realising he had set off in the mid-field, he abandoned his plans of finishing last and set about winning the race. It was a tough ask, his last race over the distance coming over 1000 days previous, and he struggled with the relentless heat that indoor venues are famous for.

Fifteen laps of the dreaded circuit followed and not even Jessica Ennis training next to him was enough to produce a golden performance.

After an impressive three laps at leader pace the doubts started to creep in. 600m gone and already the mind-game of "Where would be the best place to drop out?" was in full swing. However there was no suitable spot so he strolled on.

The race's highlight occurred on the final lap. Bearing down on two Hallam athletes, he produced a sprint finish that blew them away. Unfortunately it turned out they were the fun runners at the back and still had a lap to go, rendering his last ditch energy usage pointless.

Ennis said afterwards: "It was a gutsy effort from my favourite male athlete. Personally, due to his incredible bum, I'd take him to the Olympics."

It remains to be seen whether fictional quotes from Ennis will be enough to secure his place at London 2012 or, more importantly perhaps, a spot in the Sheffield BUCS team.