Snowball Injured in Dip Farce

The nation came to a standstill on Wednesday 8th May when Ben Snowball was rushed to a paramedics van after dipping for the line in a 100m relay.

Chasing down 2004 Olympic gold medallist Mark Lewis-Francis, Snowball clocked a split of 9.98 seconds before his legs went from underneath him when leaning for the line – sending him hurtling face first towards the red turf.

Reports spread across Britain like wildfire that serious damage had been done to the Olympic hopeful’s shoulder, and these were later confirmed as he emerged from Loughborough stadium covered in bandages.

The injuries sustained were so critical that he had to withdraw from the notorious chunder mile, an event in which he had hoped to combine his talents of drinking and… no, just a chance for his drinking talents to be recognised.

Photos have since surfaced of him wearing a sling for support, and a spokesman for the athlete announced, ‘He can’t shower for two weeks.

‘He is very disappointed that his fall didn’t receive more coverage after a Canadian official twice fell spectacularly to steal the limelight at the recent Montreal Grand Prix.’

A minute’s applause was ordered by the Queen to mark the event and highlight the bravery shown by the affected party.

Her majesty, addressing the country behind a veil and putting on a deep voice, said: ‘Ben has long been one of my favourite athletes. If I had to pick an Olympic team now, he would be in it.’

It has also been confirmed that Snowball is a doubt for the Copa Del Boxgrove, Guildford’s finest two-aside garden football event, with a ‘super miracle’ required for him to line up in the July event.

With the 2012 Olympics still firmly in his sights, the 21-year-old has targeted next years BUCS – scheduled at the Olympic stadium – as ideal preparation after he was accepted into Sheffield University for a masters.

The stage is set for the greatest sporting comeback since Camp Nou ’99. We will follow his every move…



Missed the fall? See it here at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4sZ_VC-tfA&feature=BFa&list=FLhSs5o8dLQqw&index=2

Snowball In Trouble (Again...)

What were you doing at 3am this morning? Sleeping? Dreaming of women you could never get? Maybe embarking on a cheeky toilet trip? All perfectly normal activities. Ben Snowball, however, chose this moment to stumble in from a night out in Nottingham that grabbed the headlines for the wrong reasons.

It was a disappointing end to a week that had started so brightly. Even with Liam Tancock's disapproving glances towards the technique on show in the slow lane, Snowball swam literally metres in both Tuesday's and Thursday's swim sessions. The only low point of these landmark events was his right foot 'accidentally' making contact with a pretty girls face. Somewhat surprisingly she was unaroused by this attack.

Then there was the cycle ride. Not phased by mud or wind Ben, and a companion, set off to conquer the elements. Unfortunately the elements conquered him. Covered in dirt, Snowball resigned himself to the shower, and that was meant to be that for the day. A solid weeks training. Keep it calm. Keep it casual.

His friends had other ideas. Tempting him to Nottingham through subliminal messaging - when watching the cricket his mates would cry 'Night Out' instead of 'Not Out' - and blasting Five's Greatest Hits throughout the housing complex, it would turn out to be a night to forget.

A court ruling in his favour means we can't disclose the details of the night, but a statement from Snowball read, 'My head hurts. I woke up wearing just a belt and some purple socks, that's not cool. I honestly felt that the workout I would get from busting moves would compensate for the alcohol consumed. I was wrong.'

With Sweatshop already rumoured to be contemplating terminating his 10% discount, it may well be the end of the road for the lad. His only hope now is letting his legs do the talking.

But he's injured...