Return Rumours

The pen was cast aside. It was too late, however, for it had already made its potent black mark upon the calender. 11th August 2012 was labelled: '18:45 - 5000m Men's Olympic Final. Get fit for it.'

Fresh from fending off family competition to locate a Cadbury's Creme Egg hidden in his Grandparent's garden earlier on Good Friday, Snowball returned home with a new lease of life. Logging online to the 2012 website, he booked three tickets to the Olympic stadium for this great spectacle so his family and friends could share in his defining moments.

Stories emerging from his camp suggested that he had already handpicked the four safety pins he would entrust to keep his number on in the final, as well as having backups should the track judge see fit to impose a back number also. The testing procedure to find the ultimate pin allegedly involved 'accidentally' drawing blood from unsuspecting friends to find just the right mix of sharpness and protection.

With rumours that GB already consider themselves out of Snowball's league it is no surprise that their neighbours have expressed an interest - who he qualifies for under Rule 89.b)... 'An athlete who is given permission to wear the famous green vest may, from that day forward, be considered for selection.'

Speaking at his annual Easter press conference Snowball said, 'Yes it is true. The Ireland selectors have already contacted me about filling their long-distance vacancy, but I'm holding out for a more lucrative offer from Team GB.'

He went on to say, 'I recently went out for a run that lasted two songs.'

It was later revealed that these songs were both over three minutes in length, although his spokesman laughed at the notion that their combined total was anything in excess of eight minutes forty seconds saying, 'Let's just take it a day at a time.'

With calls for Snowball to reduce the diameter of his gluteus maximus (massive bum), and stop measuring runs in terms of music, it is evident he has a lot of work to do between now and the top step of the Olympic rostrum...

His recent workout, where he managed sixty pillow presses and eighteen mattress bounces, is a step on the right path. It appears he's finally making an impact in a sport he refuses to reject, but one that keeps rejecting him.

Comeback Occurs

It was a day to forget for those who backed against Ben Snowball's Olympic challenge, as the 20 year old Surrey star came back to training in stunning fashion.

He lapped both lawnmowers on numerous occasions on route to this tremendous feat., with casual onlookers left short of words after witnessing such pace. Rumours are that Snowball now has a chance of being selected for the fast-approaching Loughborough International, and on this showing he is sure to be a top candidate.

With news circulating that Adidas may be lining up an exclusive image rights deal with the youngster, Febreze quickly stepped in and offered a reported £8.50, and a limited edition Beano, in return for Snowball's signature.

With all this intense training, including today's eight minute session, has led to the fans favourite deciding that tomorrow should be a rest day. He was quoted saying, 'My main aim for tomorrow is to find that missing gem on Spyro 'Year of the Dragon' before watching Spurs vs Man City, which is sure to be a belter of a game.'

Good luck to the kid.