Snowball Finally Speaks Out

After being the 'people's choice' at the recent LSAC elections, it had come at a surprise to many that Ben Snowball hadn't released a statement to the media about the cross country captaincy. Rumours were rife that arrogance was the reason but recent reports suggest that he agreed a confidentiality agreement to keep thoughts to himself. It emerged that athletes were getting far too excited, and there was the danger of a 'plato-effect' should the arousal levels continue to grow.

'I want to say this. And only this,' was the statement Snowball released, but it was clear from these words alone that he was passionate and ready for the task at hand. There has even been talk of him being flown out to South Africa should Fablaaa fail to inspire his troops. Although overlooked in the past, the tabloids feel that this captaincy could provide the vital experience needed to lead the nation to football glory.

Fresher cross country runners have much to look forward to. As well as having an 'FHM Middle 50 Male' at the helm, they can draw inspiration on the fact that he's currently wearing a mixture of Monday and Thursday socks (today is neither) and some, arguably fake, CK boxers only. His fine complexion epitomises the perfection that will befall the club next year.

Snowball has recently discovered that it is now his hamstrings causing him injury trouble, and not the calves as previously first thought. Those in authority have called upon Loughborough's Physio Team to provide an explanation for the categoric ineptness of this mis-diagnosis.

However, with his foam rolling occurring at least twice a week, there is little to worry about, and this upturn in form should lead to results within the coming hours. With yesterday's victory in the 'Race to Home' things are only on the up. Leaving a nightclub at 2am, Snowball started off steady before flying past his greasy opponent on a garden-like roundabout. It was clear his pre-race kebab and chips paid dividends, as he left his rival screaming for the sewer he often habited.

The months ahead are certainly an exciting prospect, and with this great leader in charge, surely things can only get better...